A relationship strained with my sister

My sister and I do not have a perfect relationship. However, we do get along when there are more than 1000 miles separating us. When I went to college, our relationship got better. Summers were still difficult but it got better. Then, she went to college and I eventually graduated. Still, we had hundreds of miles in between us and we were okay. We are both type-A and pretty independent people. We have our faults, of course, but we have good relationships outside of the family. 

Then, we were home for an extended summer and things got very unsettling. I, along with our family, walk on egg shells around her some of the time. 

I don't claim to be perfect but she also goes for the jugular each, and every, time. Tonight was no different. I don't have as thick of skin and I let her get to me. She got to me and I spent the next three hours out of the house. 

Right now, our relationship is at an all time low. I try, really hard, to not let her get to me but she truly gets under my skin and plucks every nerve. However, she does this every day. She can be all cheery to other people and then I get the brunt of it. I don't do well when voices are raised and I am verbally attacked with curse words. I just don't.

She goes off to law school in less than 3 weeks and I am hoping our relationship gets better. I hope that we can grow it back to a civilized relationship. I hope she will see that words and actions hurt. I hope I can grow thicker skin. 

I hope our strained relationship becomes a relationship in progress. 

A note to myself

Dear self,
Even though your first workout back in three weeks, post surgery, was a KILLER and you're worthless tonight, remember it will all be WORTH it soon!

Oh and unless it's another surgery or dire emergency, I wouldn't recommend taking three weeks off again anytime soon. It was rough and the pain you already feel now will be intensified by tomorrow. Just speaking the truth from experience.

Truth be told, I've been laying low this afternoon as I've maxed out on energy and have none left. Can't wait to build back up to my normal weights. Taking it slow. :-)

Tested strength

This week has been tough! I normally handle pressure, stress, and life pretty darn well but this week is like a slap in the face...literally!

The school newspaper has been having trouble with one of our editors and the editor and I finally had to sit her down this afternoon and have it out. It stunk...big time.

Tests & Projects overall consume my life right now and it is not fun!

My wireless internet refuses to work in my apartment...and it's driving me NUTS!

I have (the size of fire ants) black ants in my apartment and can't get rid of them.

Then one of my professors was chosen for jury duty this week and was out all week long. Problem: we have a HUGE presentation that was assigned Wednesday due Monday and I have no idea how to do it. Crud!

My week has been filled with multiple meetings and my head is about to pop!

I am stressed, tired, and feel like being strong is not my strong suit right now. Sure I handle stress and life well but I feel as if that is being used against me this week. I guess since I act strong all the time but am crumbling inside right now. I am only human and can not and will not allow myself to be pulled in multiple directions by other people.

I am only human people

Friends don't always stick around

This past week has been FULL of life lessons and multiple meeting times with one of my dearest advisers here in Collegetown. I have learned that people mature over their years in college and through life and some people or so-called friends don't want to stay in a friendship for the long run. Now I have witnessed several people mature over the past few years and I am proud to call them my friends.

But the people who drag you down and dwell in their own self-pity with out seeing that others care for them has been on my heart lately. Sure everyone goes through rough times but after time and time again of reaching out...sometimes you have to let go. Sure that door will be open if anyone wants to regain friendship...but I am moving on. Honestly...I will be anyone's friend...but I am learning that sometimes it takes people longer to mature.

But they are not holding me back or taking me down with them!

A good thing

Life is FULL of surprises, struggles, issues, and MOUNTAINS. This week has been interesting, scary, hellacious, tiring, full, and bright. A few of my friends have been sick and others have suffered loss or destruction in their lives. I have been a walking bunch of emotions...honestly! The sun shines occasionally though and I know HE has a plan and that is a GOOD THING. It is a good thing that HE knows my plan and created it. It is a good thing that HE can provide comfort and support when no one else knows the depth of the mountains in life. It is a good thing...period!

The Shred...day 18

Doin' my little dance right now :o Day 18 is DONE baby done! Can I just say I am ready for level three?! Level two is great and all, but it is TOUGH! I have gained MUSCLE all around and I believe{as does my dr} that once my core builds up, then I will start loosing more weight. Can ya tell I am happy?!

Next post will be 500! Just thought you should know!

TGIF sweet peeps!!!

The Shred...day 11

On Level TWO!!

Tonight, I started a new level and let me just say it was interesting and painful. The DVD kind of did the basic moves, but did twists and turns along the way. The time seemed to FLY by and it went quickly, for the most part. I have had several people tell me that Level two is harder than level three. But I can DEFINITELY tell you Level two is MUCH HARDER than level one!

Hope you have a fabulous Friday evening! Stay tuned for tomorrow's update and a VERY SPECIAL post after the update{tomorrow}.

Wordful Wednesday

At the foot of the cross...literally! I took this shot last night and the song "At the foot of the Cross" hit me right as I was thinking about this picture. The song is one of my favorites.
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I'll leave you with these words:
Enjoy today
Live life to the fullest
Dream BIG
Follow YOUR Heart
Enjoy your day
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An update & You know what...

Update on grandma: Nothing really new yet. My mom and sister are with her this weekend as my dad/brother leave for a week to attend Boy Scout camp in NM. Dad is a tad, OKAY REALLY, worn out and I am hoping he will get sleep tonight as well as that 12 hour bus ride tomorrow night. My grandfather is the concern right now too as grandma takes care of him. Right now...they are in the best of hands and I hope/pray that they continue to be.
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Okay...now onto some thoughts that I have...please bare w/me as it has been an emotional roller coaster these past couple of days.

** My cousins had a knock-down-drag-out w/words at the hospital the other day and my dad basically said...My mother is sick and I don't need this right now. They had nerve.

** My not nice cousin, you know from grad weekend, told my 2nd cousin that gma is doing great and trying. Well she had 1/2 of it right. Gma is trying but not doing great. LIFE IS NOT all ROSEY! UHHHH...come on...tell the truth!

** I cried on the highway today. It was actually good as it let me get out some of my emotions w/o causing a scene. The lack of sleep, emotional roller coaster kind of gave me a rough time, but by the end of the day; I was much better!

** I am waiting for the day for the phone not to ring at 11pm. Seriously...when that happens...life will be grand! It's okay if it's family, but no one else ;)

Thank you all for your love, prayers, and support. It truly means the world to my family!

Stellan

Many of you are aware that MckMama, Stellan's mama, and her family had a news story reported about them and it aired last night. I totally encourage ALL of you to watch it. HERE is the link. I was a basket case as I watched this sweet story unfold before my very eyes and I wanted to share with you why this sweet family has made a HUGE impact on me!

** In utero, Stellan was supposed to die...but he did not!

** After being born, Stellan was told there was nothing (that the docs could find) wrong with him.

** At four months old, Stellan started having some trouble and the world (via MckMama's blog) prayed! Stellan and MckMama were away from their family for six weeks and the world helped this sweet family out with Care-packages, prayers, blog posts, and whatever else they needed.

** A world of different people from different countries/states/nations came together and PRAYED and PRAYED for this sweetheart and his family. This totally blows me away of how a world of so many could come together and UNITE for this sweetheart. I have been amazed at the support that the MckFamily has received and continues to receive. Stellan's SVT may not be cured, but there are still so many people praying for him. Amazing how HE (God) can bring us all together, make us disregard the little, and PRAY together for Stellan!

If you would have told me that a blog, MckMama's blog, would bring us all together for this little man and on my knees in prayer a year ago, I may have been skeptical, but NOW...I totally understand and believe ANYTHING is possible!

So A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!

This is who I am

I got an email the other day and was quite taken back in a good way. It was from a friend emails me often just to encourage and tell me how great I am. No, I am not bragging; this is just the way sweet Terry is! She told me that I was amazing, special, and a true gift from God. It was just what I needed to hear since this email came last week during my hell hellacious week.

Some people need to hear that they are special. Some people need to be reminded, like me. Some people just need that reassurance that they are loved and some need to be told that they are loved for the first time. This is real people. Some people just need to be reminded that they are God's creation, they have a plan in store for them, and they will succeed at anything they do.

I did a bunch of thinking over the weekend and have come to some conclusions about who I am in God's eyes and I thought I would share. I am a child of the Heavenly Father. HE made me in my mother's womb and I am eternally grateful. I have been put on this earth for a reason. God has a plan in place for me. I may not know HIS specific plan right now, but will eventually. I may stray from HIS path, put he leads me back and puts me in my place. HE gives me strength through my struggles, triumphs, and life lessons. HE is my STRENGTH, my life, and my Heavenly Father! I am so grateful HE gave me life and made me WHO I AM!

I'm back and have LOTS to say

Just as a warning...this will be a long post. There is so much I want/need to say and I have decided just to put it all in one post.

As many of you know, this past week was the most hellacious week of the semester. To top it off, on Friday morning my lesson plans and every single activity was lost on my computer. I went to bed at 3:30am and woke up at 6:30 and they were gone. Yes, I searched every file and temporary file, but to no avail, they were GONE. So the tears really flowed. As a last attempt, I madly tried to retype every single one. But I could not do it all in time. You see I have four classes in a ROW on M-W-F and did not have enough time. The professor was actually really nice and gave the entire class a break. They will be due next week and I was so excited and glad that he was so nice. I know I cried for some of the morning because I was so scared something would happen, but worst of my thoughts did not happen.

This past week I also had another first. I went on 3hours of sleep in two days. Let me tell ya, I slept for 14 hours last night and needed every single second of sleep. This was an extreme that had to be done, but I will try never to do this again. I have pulled all nighters in my life, but this was just too much. Oh and to all you mamas out there, I will get some more sleep tonight and get plenty of rest this week.

Finals are this coming week. I have SIX, yes six, of them. I am devoting tomorrow afternoon from 3 on in the library as I prepare for them. The library has become my second home lately as I have been spending 20+ hours in this place. The staff actually know me by name and welcome me "home" as I walk through the doors. Some have seen me each and everyday this week!

Learning about what life has in store for me has been trying this week. I had many moments were I wondered "why me" but, for some reason, I felt at peace each and every time. There were extreme moments when I was anxious, worried, or stressed, but I know I felt God's grace and hands on me through out the week. I also felt your prayers. There were times when I said "I can't do this" or "I am stressed to my max" and felt relief immediately. I can't explain it, but I wanted to say THANK YOU for all the prayers. I really appreciate your help this past week. Knowing that I can do things and accomplish goals are amazing things.

Next weekend, I am moving. So two days after my finals and two days before Maymester starts, I am moving. The reasons include rat infestation and bad neighbors. I will not go into why they are bad, but it is just a bad situation overall. I have friends moving me on Saturday and I am very excited. I have the boxes, tape, and bags and will pack this week.
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Now onto my opinion about two things. Please know that these are MY opinions:

Swine flu: I understand the affect of this, but the media and all its hype is WAY TOO MUCH! The media is supposed to inform and not make people hysterical. The US is a little on the hysterical side right now. Yes this virus is airborne, but there is help for those who fall victim to this virus.

World's Meanest Parents and Nanny 911: This Saturday night I watched Nanny 911 and World's Meanest Parents. I have to say that I am shocked with the kids' behavior on Nanny 911. Most kids, while they are little, have a schedule and those who are lacking one, usually act out or crave attention. When kids have a schedule they know what will happen, for the most part, next. Yes kids still misbehave on occasion, but not near as much. It is amazing how some kids are acting before a nanny from Nanny 911 comes in! Worlds Meanest Parents is about 2 teens, each different, weekly who go to a new home of strict parents and their own family. There the teens learn respect and discipline from loving, yet strict parents. The parents are strict, yet fair. The teens that visit are usually smokers/drinkers/out of control. These parents guide the teens and let them know how to behave. Trust is talked about and the teenagers learn what it means when they lose privileges. Overall...I believe that Worlds Meanest Parents is a GREAT idea.
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My family raised me to be honest and understanding of people. Trust was also a huge issue in our household and each child lost trust by lying or doing something wrong. I did, as a kid, struggle with telling the truth. I have learned that the truth sometimes hurts, but is the best thing. Having that support system of family help me through my truthful struggles is very comforting and great, in my opinion. Yes, everyone struggles here and there, but being disciplined to be able to recognize that is huge. Everyday there is a struggle, but with support; anything is possible and doable.

I have learned that I am also so BLESSED by family and friends (bloggers included). It felt so good to be able to read your comments throughout the week. You have no idea how special they made me feel. Sometimes, there are times when I want to quit but you gave me strength and I am very grateful! Thanks again!

I will be back tomorrow for a special post to my sister as well as on Monday for Not Me Monday as MckMama has said she will be posting NMM. I am now excited for Monday :) Hope this post was not too, too long! Hope you and your family are having a great weekend!

Frick and Frack...I'll be back

I had to come up with a title and right now this will have to do. This coming week, April 26th through May 1st, will be the most hellacious week of the semester! I have five MASSIVE projects due during the week; two on Friday. I have three tests this week, one child study due, 3 portfolios due, several news articles to edit, and LOTS of homework to complete. This is my week already and it has not even started yet! Then to top it off, finals are the next week, April 4th through 7th!

I am letting you know this because my blog will be lacking in posts this week. But rest assured, I will be checking/commenting on a few blogs when I can :) I will still use twitter this week and my "tweets" are located on the right side of my blog underneath my "About me" section. If you feel the need to encourage or comment, please do so! I love all sweet and encouraging notes! I have also enabled the Email link on my "profile" if you feel the need to email me...go ahead! Hope you have a great week!

It's just a Wednesday

I had this really LONG post I was going to put up, but I accidentally deleted it or blogger did. So here is what I remember!

The library: a place where I spend 20+ hours a week in. Lately, the football boys have been there and have just given me a dose of comic relief that I need. I am so appreciative of those smiles, nods, and waves; more than they will ever know :) I also take the little girl I babysit there and we have a blast looking out the third floor windows at the boys, trees, birds, and so much more. M is a joy to work with!

Third floor Newsroom: For the past three days, the elevator has been broken; this means that I have to happily climb the three flights of stairs with arms full. I defiantly feel those 8+ times that I did this yesterday...today. I spend a bunch of time up there editing and it is, for the most part, peaceful!

Projects: I believe, really I do, that Elementary/Special Ed school needs to be renamed to project after project school. I am just above water right now and found out that I have THREE projects due next week with TWO on Friday, May 1st. Golly gee people! Finals are the week after that and then I have a weekend. After that I am in May-mester till May 29th. Looking at this right now seems like a bunch. But, as Mama Gen would say, CHIN UP! I am taking this advice too :)

Life in general: I am doing a neighborhood 5K on Saturday and a youth service project on Sunday. Plus homework, projects, and more uh projects!

I have been amazed at life's blessings around me and am extremely grateful for them all. Hope you are having a great Wednesday!

I know I will

This week has been an interesting crappy, sucky, and tiring to say the least. I have about 2.5 weeks until finals and projects/tests/stuff are piling up. I have also been asked several stinkin times a few times when I am not tired and I am responding with a few short and sweet phrases..."in the start of the semester" and "when I get more sleep than this." This week has been a little sticky but a smile was plastered across my face tonight.

After spending 4 hours in the math lab and four pages of homework completed, I just wanted to crawl up and sleep. But no...I was scheduled to tutor at 7! So from 7-9, I tutored and actually enjoyed watching the "boys" around me. Don't get any ideas...I would never date these guys; they are just my friends Half the football team was in the library tonight because they ALL have papers due tomorrow. So guess who got smiled, waved at, and encouraged today? I will give you a hint...she is 6 foot and looks like a raccoon. ME :) I got asked question after question, tutored my sweet tutoree, and had 2 sweet hours of feeling at PEACE. HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders...for two hours, I was able to chill and NOT worry/stress about school life.

Jeremiah 29:11 and Phil 4:13 have been on my heart all week long. I have been praying for relief and tonight, for those two hours, I got it. Yes it was small, but God does shine through in the midst of our cruddy moments. I have also read several other blogs that are having tough weeks too and I thought I would just "pour" my heart out. YES I KNOW life will get better after finals, but it is just EXTREMELY STRESSED right now. HE will shine through and I understand that too!

Yes this week has basically stunk, but I also know it DOES get better...I know from experiences :) Thank you for all of your sweet comments. I am trying, when able, to visit a few blogs for "free therapy" each day since it does help. Please do not comment and tell me it will get better...I know this...I am just being real! The days may be running together and LONG, but I KNOW I WILL get through!

Have to wrap this post up since it is midnight time sure did FLY by and I have to get up at 6AM! Enjoy the rest of your week. The weekend thank the LORD is just around the corner!

I wonder why...

I wonder why people are cruel to others...
I wonder why parents don't parent their children...
I wonder why kids do not understand certain concepts...
I wonder why HE gave his life for me...
I wonder why HE is the ultimate power and authority...
I wonder why so much bad happens in the world...
I wonder why HE blesses some and not others...
I wonder why I am given strength to live each day beside HIM...
I wonder why people do not love their neighbors...
I wonder why children are abandoned and/or abused...
I wonder why some children have harder lives than others...
I wonder why babies have to suffer...
I wonder why some children will never know HIM...
I wonder why Jesus Christ suffered pain for my sins...
I wonder why/how HE knew I would sin...

There are so many wonders in the world and I do not have the answers. I wish I could explain all of my wonders; yet I can not. An unforeseen event occurred tonight and I will not go into it. This event caused me to write this post. I can not answer every problem with a solution since I am not the ULTIMATE God. HE does know all the answers and over the next few days I plan to dive deeper into HIS word to find meaning to some of my wonders.

Wordful Wednesday: Giving HIM the glory

After an eventful evening and long sleepless night, I could not stop thinking about my "prayer list" and all of those who need and crave daily prayers. Some songs came to mind and I thought I would share a few...

>> "To God be the glory for the things he hath done"
>> "Rise and Shine and give God the glory glory"
>> "Holy, Holy, Holy"
>> "Come and go with me to my Father's house"

These are just a few songs that have been on repeat all night long in my head. No particular reason, just because. I also seem to have accumulated quite a list of prayer requests over the weeks and they sure keep me noticing all the sickness and turmoil in lives each day. The only thing that I can do well is pray for each family and I fully intend and will do so.

Some people may not understand that life is just so precious and pure. I believe that we, as people, are given life by the HEAVENLY FATHER and it is the best gift that anyone can receive and accept. I have accepted the fact that HE gave me life; now I will do my best to live according to HIS plan for me!

Psalm 138:6-8 states "Though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly, but the proud he knows from afar. Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me. The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever— do not abandon the works of your hands."

Jeremiah 29:11 states "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Have a wonderful Wednesday

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Surrounded and amazed

Words can not express my deepest Sympathy for the MckFamily during their troubling times. Sweet Stellan continues to fight for his life and I sit back amazed. There are a few reasons I am amazed and I thought I would share them. Stellan has brought "us" all together through the power of prayer. He has us down on our knees praying and holds us on the edge of our seats as we wait for his mama, MckMama, to post new updates via blog and twitter. Sweet Stellan, you are in my thoughts and prayers each moment of the day! Fight sweet boy FIGHT!

HE has a "path" for Stellan and only HE knows. I know HE will provide through triumph and struggles...but the waiting game is tough. I find myself thinking of Stellan ALL the time. He has become a constant prayer and thought. Stellan continues to fight for his life and all we can do as a whole is pray. This sweet boy has brought us together and I believe "we" are supporting this sweet boy the best way we can...by using our faith to PRAY.

Psalm 139:13-16 states For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Psalm 59:16-17 states But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble. O my Strength, I sing praise to you; you, O God, are my fortress, my loving God.

Philippians 4:13 states I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Sweet Stellan...you have already shown that you are a FIGHTER! You show your strength as you struggle for life. You amaze me sweet boy! Fight Sweet Stellan FIGHT!

A few new things

A bunch has happened over the past few days and I wanted to fill you in a bit. First, I have added a prayer button on the top of my posts to the prayer vigil website for Stellan. I am amazed at how our blogging community has pulled together. A friend today asked me why I cared so much today about sweet Stellan since I was constantly checking my tweets and dashboard. I told her that Stellan's mama has brought us together through her blog and all I can do right now is PRAY. I am upholding my end of the bargain.
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Secondly, I received my Pay It Foward prize from Amanda and IKEA prize from Tobi. A post will come sometime later this week!
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Thirdly, this week has brought a break through with the teacher I was having difficulties trials struggles with. I actually enjoyed my art class on Tuesday night too. We had a conversation and understand on Monday afternoon as well. After an hour of discussion, I am hoping that the last 6 weeks are bearable and great...I WILL BE OPTIMISTIC! THANK YOU for all of your sweet and encouraging comments through this hurdle as well.
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A few songs lyrics that I have mixed for how life's events are going:
GOD is in control
HE will raise your up on Eagle's wings
HOLD you in the palm of HIS hand
Shining in the light of HIS glory
This is the day
HE lives in me
I am a child of GOD

Struggling with MY FAITH

For about a month, I have been struggling. I am finally ready to let you know why. About two months ago, I had to quit my Sunday job at a church. I believe that I lost a piece of my heart then. Yes I had to because of my 19 course hours, but it has been tough. Each Sunday, I would talk and get my feelings/concerns out in the open and get advice. I have struggled to find a good church to attend from then on, I have struggled because I miss my home church, and I have just been struggling with my faith. I am working on it and trying to get back on the "bandwagon," but it has just been a hurdle. There are so many questions that can not be answered and I am trying to understand and grasp that HE has a reason/plan for everyone. I do believe that God's plan for me is to teach/work with SPED, but getting through the hurdles of life is the tough part.

All I am asking from you is that you keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I face my FAITH hurdles face on. I have never ever been told life is easy and I do not expect that. I expect and hope to follow HIS plan for me. I do know that IT WILL GET BETTER, but right now I am in the middle of it and struggling. I want it to get better, but I do believe that this issue may take TIME. I may not like it, but that is my life and situation right now. My ultimate goal is to Follow HIM through thick and thin and that is what I am going for. I remind myself of the quote "Never, never, never give up" and I keep telling myself that over and over again. Thank you for the thoughts and prayers in advance. They truly make my day special!
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On a lighter note, remember to wear green today!!!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!!