Absent, MIA, issues...

Last week, I finally felt better from my sinus surgery. This week is a whole 'nother matter. It's not necessarily my nose, per say, but it is the side they took all the junk out of.



In addition to the pain, I've been having daily migraines, that cause massive nausea, since last week plus am in the middle of a reflux flare. I am just not having the best of days medical wise.



I go back to the ENT next Monday and honestly can't wait. This is ridiculous! I should not be having all this pain on a daily basis.

Okay...vent over!



It's not all daisies and roses over here

She's still holding on...barely

If you would have told me that my Nonni would barely be hanging on today, for life, I would not have believed you. Just three weeks ago, I graduated college and she was right there—watching me walk across the stage. While she was not at her best, she was there. One week ago, today, we embarked on this scary and frightening road. My family and I hoped and prayed that she would bounce back…eventually. She always did; what made this time so different?

Four days ago, Nonni’s doctor ordered hospice. My mom and uncle, initially, looked for a facility. But it became clear that her needs were too great to be in a room by herself. She does not have the energy to call a nurse, every bone and muscle in her body hurts, and she was having trouble swallowing and sucking from a straw. Two days ago, my mom and family made the decision to let Nonni go home to her place and bring hospice to her.

Nonni was discharged from the hospital Tuesday. The hospital set up home hospice care. Nonni seems more relaxed at home and will be kept comfortable. There is a nurse and my mom, uncle, and/or I are with her at all times. She is DNR and has multiple medical difficulties. While she is still breathing and holding a pulse, she is starting to slip away slowly.

On Tuesday evening, my mom, the hospice nurse, and I had a discussion about how/what increasing difficulty to live would look like. The nurse said that everyone is different but described some symptoms. The leading thought into this question occurred when I read that Nonni had a majority of the characteristics/symptoms of the phase “near death.” This, initially, scared me. But as Tuesday went on, I figured out something.

Nonni’s body is barely hanging on. Her kidneys are starting to shut down, her digestive system is not digesting much now, and her swallowing/sucking abilities are lessening. She is not eating enough to sustain life. She is just so weak and frail. My mom reminded me that her body has been through so much and she deserves to be without pain. Hospice care will keep her comfortable but will not be using extraordinary measures to keep her alive.

While discharging from the hospital Tuesday, Nonni’s nurse said something that made sense to me. She hugged me goodbye, let me cry on her shoulder, and said “it won’t be long now.” While walking through the doors of the Cardiac ICU, it hit me. We are, essentially, keeping her comfortable, and letting her die, at home, when it’s her time. We would not be back on the Cardiac ICU floor again. Her doctors and nurses wanted her home and comfortable for her last few days.

While there is no specific timeline as to when Nonni may pass, it is evident that it’ll be soon. My days are now filled with keeping an eye on Nonni and talking to her. I continue to look up to her and she is one strong woman.

Please continue to pray that Nonni is comfortable and her pain is manageable. We do have some basic medications and wonderful pain medication for her. My family and I covet your prayers as we face grief and sadness.

Painful memories

WARNING: This post is LONG!!!! You have been warned!!!!

I don't know/remember how much I have said about my high school years, but memories came flooding back over the last few days. Painful memories. You see, all throughout my school days, I have been teased. In elementary, middle, and high school. High school was by far the worst as the kids, boys especially, upped the anti and were just plain cruel and mean.

In ninth grade, it started with the girls who were HORRIBLE and so stinkin' mean. I was called horrible names for no reason at all, rumors were spread, and my self esteem plummeted. It was a hellacious first semester but the second semester was not as bad. I had a group who was on my side. Mostly teachers, but I learned some valuable lessons during my second semester.

In tenth grade, there was a boy who made my life a living HELL for the remainder of my high school year. You see, this boy's father was on the Board of Directors at my Christian school and he got away with EVERYTHING. His dad and the principle and the head of the school all went hunting together. He got away with teasing me, taunting me, calling me names, and giving me HELL for the remainder of the school year. I did have several friends, but I was A's main target all the time. I learned that being a part of the football team (manager/trainer/water girl) gave me some strength, but those hurtful words were HORRIBLE. During class, at lunch, and all throughout school...he picked on ME. Many tears were shed this year as he humiliated me, caused me pain, and hurt me emotionally. Angered filled inside of me!

In eleventh grade, A and I were not in the same classes together all the time, but he still caused me hell. There was a "cheating scandal" during my junior year and A caused me a whole bunch of pain during this. The pointing fingers, naming calling, and nightmare was shown. Eleventh grade was not near as bad as the summer before my senior year.

Summer before my senior year: I got this anonymous phone call that was sexually explicit and horrifically inappropriate. My family and I had to call the police, get it traced, and it came from him. The police visited A's home and had a long talk with him. Before my senior year, A came to my home and met with my parents and I. My parents laid down the law and said that they wanted me to have a good year that year.

Senior year: A left me alone some of the time, but still gave me hell sometimes. One day I was called into the principles office and A was there. He accused me of something I had not done. The principle told me that there were no witnesses but I needed to prove where I was during the supposed "incident," so I was in College English with 20 witnesses...he was caught in a LIE. HA! It was one of the happiest days of my life.
Then one of the worst times came. The head of the school was notified by my parents that A was resistant and would not leave me alone. He threw the fact that the Bible tells us to forgive in my face and told me I needed to forgive A for his misdeeds. Um...I said I could not, but would work on it. I got this speech about how it was right to forgive and the Christian thing to do. You have got to be kidding me! I was asked if I was going to forgive and I said it would take a while, said I wanted to leave, and called my mom in tears. Let's just say the administration heard what my momma and dad had to say after this incident.

I went through HELL with A and because his father was on the Board, he was protected. What about me?! What about the people who were bullied? My HS years were not easy, but I learned several life lessons. Have I forgiven A completely? NO...It may take a while, but I am working past it. I am trying to let go. It is not easy to forget these painful memories.

Life lessons learned

** There are bullies everywhere! I have had no problem in college since I have learned to stand up for myself and not take the crud I took in high school.

** Not everyone has a backbone and it does take some people longer to get one.

** My family will always support me...through THICK & THIN!!!!

** Memories last a lifetime...even the painful ones!!

** Being bullied has allowed me to help others and provide advice!

So high school was TOUGH and I have those painful memories, but I am now taking one day at a time and trying to forget those hellacious years. High school may not have been the best, but I am trying my best in college and making memorable memories that I want to remember!!!!

PAIN is the word of the day...

So yes, the title may be a tad disturbing, but I am in LOTS and LOTS of PAIN. I had a killer workout on Tuesday and started hurting late that night. Wednesday was awful. Today is not as bad, but I still think stairs and sitting are painful. Let me put it this way, everything from my waist down hurts. Yes I have taken something, but it is not helping :(

You may be asking what I did on Tuesday. I took a class with yoga, pilates, and tai chi combined. I have never in my life done all three at once let alone one. So I am in LOTS and LOTS of pain and it seems to never end. I am hoping that by tomorrow my legs are not as tight, but we shall see. I am still on my workout schedule though.

Hope you all are having a pain free day and enjoying some beautiful weather!

Have a wonderful afternoon!!!!

Pre-season time...already?

Last week, my college started training for football and today my sweet, lovable brother started football. The sound of the cleats roaming through the house were welcomed with open arms. With mouthpiece in and cleats on, he started his practice today. Now my sweet brother is definitely a boy-Oh my goodness!!! He is a full-fledged football player.

On another note-My parents did bring me home since I still have little energy and am still in pain, but I am hoping to improve soon. As for the pain, it is not as intense, but still present. I have heard story after story of people telling me that it will hurt for a while and I now believe them. So yes recovery is slow but it is moving bit by bit.

Have a wonderful evening!!!

Why me...

I was told that it would take 7-10 days for recovery and then a "light bulb" would go off and I would feel much better. Well, I am on day 10 and I still do not have energy, my taste buds are off, and I am in pain-really bad pain.

So I am asking for all of you to keep me in your prayers. I want to feel better and need to, but something is just not going right. PLEASE PRAY for me to feel better and get rid of this pain.

The kicker is that we have a "surprise" luncheon for my dad tomorrow with his work and boss. I at least need to be able to stand and smile-so great!

Trying to look up!!!

Why I love Saturdays...

Why I love Saturdays:
* No Schedule
* I get to sleep late
* I do not have to worry about school (at least in the morning)
* I can have my own (lazy) schedule
* All the hustle and bustle is put aside for one day
* I do not have to go to work
* I can take my time in what ever I am doing
* I can do what ever I WANT!!!

ON another note:
I went back to the feet doctor yesterday and he said that I have another infection on my left toe and that the antibiotics that should of helped, are not... So I have been put on a stronger antibiotic and the doctor also messed with both toes to get some of the infection out and to clean in them, so yes I AM IN PAIN, still. I am tired of being tired, hobbling around, and my body just being stripped of the immune fighting agents. Not being able to fight of what ever infection I have is SCARY!!! So the doctor said that I have to stay off my feet as much as possible and not do my aerobics class for 2 more weeks. SO with that being said, I have contacted the professor to see what she thinks I should do. OH BOY, my life is crazy at this point!!!

SO what am I doing this weekend:
* Relaxing
* Homework
* Watching movies
* Cooking a bulk meal that will last me for a few days :)
* Working on Sunday morning
* Being ME

Hope you all have a great weekend!!!

In Pain

All my fellow bloggers, I am updating :) But my mood is not so great! I am in LOTS of PAIN from my feet surgery on Friday. I finally got pain meds called into the pharmacy today, so hopefully I will be better soon!! Prayers are welcomed as well!!!

Hope all is well with your family and hope you are having an amazing weekend!!