Sunday, June 19, 2011

Sensitively me

I am a sensitive person and through the years, I've learned to sugar-coat things WELL and please people. I'm not always been proud of that though. Learning to accept reality and who people truly are is difficult. I've learned not to sugar coat things with my online and select friends. I am real on Twitter and speak the truth. But in real life, I get judged by the way I talk or the way I am. I have a hard time breaking out of that scared shell to meet what's in store in my daily {real} life.

Case in point, my sister and I have a great LONG distance relationship. BUT when she returns home, all heck breaks loose. It's like I'm her punching bag (metaphorically) and she thinks she can cuss me out and talk to me the way she does. I do not appreciate that. I said that yesterday and she said a few choice words. That really hurts as I try to make our relationship better but it comes back to bite me. I've told her I don't appreciate that and that I deserve to be talked to nicer. She thinks otherwise. I don't understand how she doesn't talk to anyone else that way but ME. I am so, so tired of it though. It's like she's angry at the world and I get the beating for it.

I, by nature, am a happy/bubbly person and a morning person. I say good morning and get told "don't talk to me." Okay, I've learned to wait a few hours but let me be clear on something. I WILL NOT CHANGE my demeanor just because you are bitter and mean. Not happening. I am tired of walking on egg shells with you and being cussed out. I am tired of being beaten down by words.

Motherly figure-so I've been told, I'm a teacher and loving figure by heart. I can't change that. That's who I am. I really do try not to "baby" my siblings or talk down to them. They think I am...I am not. But, come on, please stop judging the way I talk to you on how you will treat me.

Bottom line...I am so tired of being the punching bag and getting ragged on for who I am. Sugar coating may work in real life but I'm tired of hiding and not being myself.

So this is me trying to find the online real person, who speaks the truth, and using that IRL. I can guarantee it will not be easy. But I am tired of hiding from the real world and from my smack-talking sister.

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