TOXIC relationships

My plans have been to blog more often than not but then January rolled around, I got stabbed in the back, and all heck broke loose. People that I thought were my co-workers and friends stabbed me in the back and caused my job to take a fall. It really took me hard and I am having difficulty trusting who I work with now. I will not go into specifics but my work relationships have suffered due to the people I thought I could trust and they turned around and talked bad about me.

This, in theory, would be called a toxic relationship. A toxic relationship can present in various forms and it is hard to understand why people turn on other people. But, I have learned a hard lesson from this. You can't trust someone fully until you know them and are able to read their actions toward and for you. My dad said that I can "never trust anyone" but I am curious how I could talk to anyone without it coming back to bite me. He said that I have to read and observe before trusting.

That is very hard for me as I am a teacher and a fixer. I don't like seeing people in pain or in wrong. However, in order for me to move forward, I can't fix the world.

Moving forward, for my job, would mean getting out of my present school and starting fresh next year. To do that, I need the recommendation for a position next year. So, I am sticking it out, keeping to myself, and just doing my job the best I know how.

It's not my ideal mindset but it's something I have to do in order to succeed in my current area.

All things are possible

Lately, there have been troublesome events that have filled my head. From my uncle dying and me not being able to attend his funeral to baby Stellan having RSV to my sweet, NOT, nice, NOT neighbors having jam sessions...starting at 2AM. Last night was actually the worst it has been yet and I considered patrolling from 2AM to 4AM since I was awake...considered.

But I have to remember that God does has a plan for me and the little things that make up my life may or may not do anything to my future goal. In my heart, I know that Stellan will be just fine. Once the RSV is contained and eliminated...he will just fine. Prayers do make a difference as well. My uncle had a very good life and was very sick for a very long time. Prayers helped me be able to grieve and accept the fact that he is gone, but his legacy will prevail in the future. He will be missed, yes, but he will be remembered for the great man that he was.

The neighbors...well, God will see them eventually and hopefully they will clean up their act...hopefully. I also head home tomorrow and will sleep in my own bed, in my own room, and have no neighbors who make my walls vibrate. I loved my experience at the conference, but am SO ready to go home. I am ready to see my family and am ready to sleep more than four hours consecutively...silent hooray! I am also ready to just be HOME :)
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Home is where my heart will always be...not trying to be too corny :) Home is where I can get more than four hours of sleep, mourn, and live my life. Home is what I L-O-V-E! Today I bought a magnet that states "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live your life you've imagined" (Thoreau.) I have loved being home...but I also love to live life...hour by hour...day by day and it is so WORTH IT!!!

Love and Live life