Day by day...

Three days ago, we had Nonni's service and it was beautiful. Lots of friends and family came to show their affection/appreciation of her. It was a service to remember. I was in awe of the support I was given. 

Since Nonni went down hill, I've had an amazing support system. I appreciate and thank you too. It's been really rough for me and I have my moments. I've been touched by the outgoing support I've received. I tell the public I'm okay but inside I'm not. Truthfully, I'm struggling. She was my confidant & listener. 

I know it will get better. For now, I'm taking it day by day. 

Heaven received an angel on June 1st

June 1st is a day I'll never forget. Nonni died on June 1st just two days out of the hospital. It's been a rough week.

Services are on June 8th. She was a fantastic grandma & is already missed.

I appreciate your prayers and thoughts. I'm doing "okay" but have my moments. It's just hard.

Obituary for Nonni

I love you, Nonni!!

She's still holding on...barely

If you would have told me that my Nonni would barely be hanging on today, for life, I would not have believed you. Just three weeks ago, I graduated college and she was right there—watching me walk across the stage. While she was not at her best, she was there. One week ago, today, we embarked on this scary and frightening road. My family and I hoped and prayed that she would bounce back…eventually. She always did; what made this time so different?

Four days ago, Nonni’s doctor ordered hospice. My mom and uncle, initially, looked for a facility. But it became clear that her needs were too great to be in a room by herself. She does not have the energy to call a nurse, every bone and muscle in her body hurts, and she was having trouble swallowing and sucking from a straw. Two days ago, my mom and family made the decision to let Nonni go home to her place and bring hospice to her.

Nonni was discharged from the hospital Tuesday. The hospital set up home hospice care. Nonni seems more relaxed at home and will be kept comfortable. There is a nurse and my mom, uncle, and/or I are with her at all times. She is DNR and has multiple medical difficulties. While she is still breathing and holding a pulse, she is starting to slip away slowly.

On Tuesday evening, my mom, the hospice nurse, and I had a discussion about how/what increasing difficulty to live would look like. The nurse said that everyone is different but described some symptoms. The leading thought into this question occurred when I read that Nonni had a majority of the characteristics/symptoms of the phase “near death.” This, initially, scared me. But as Tuesday went on, I figured out something.

Nonni’s body is barely hanging on. Her kidneys are starting to shut down, her digestive system is not digesting much now, and her swallowing/sucking abilities are lessening. She is not eating enough to sustain life. She is just so weak and frail. My mom reminded me that her body has been through so much and she deserves to be without pain. Hospice care will keep her comfortable but will not be using extraordinary measures to keep her alive.

While discharging from the hospital Tuesday, Nonni’s nurse said something that made sense to me. She hugged me goodbye, let me cry on her shoulder, and said “it won’t be long now.” While walking through the doors of the Cardiac ICU, it hit me. We are, essentially, keeping her comfortable, and letting her die, at home, when it’s her time. We would not be back on the Cardiac ICU floor again. Her doctors and nurses wanted her home and comfortable for her last few days.

While there is no specific timeline as to when Nonni may pass, it is evident that it’ll be soon. My days are now filled with keeping an eye on Nonni and talking to her. I continue to look up to her and she is one strong woman.

Please continue to pray that Nonni is comfortable and her pain is manageable. We do have some basic medications and wonderful pain medication for her. My family and I covet your prayers as we face grief and sadness.

Prayer request: It's bad & difficult

My mom's mom, Nonni, is my biggest supporter. She's been in my corner through thick & thin. We've been through so much together & she's my number one fan. 

She's not doing well & hospice has been called in. I understand that hospice will make her comfortable but watching her get weaker and weaker breaks my heart. Usually, when she gets sick, she bounces back after 48 hours. Not this time. I've never seen her this bad. She's too weak to stand, is in pain, confused, and really fragile. She's also having difficulty swallowing & is essentially not eating.   

This all started a week ago when she thought she had a stomach bug. By Wednesday, she was having trouble taking her medication so mom & I brought her to the ER. She was diagnosed with a severe bacterial infection. She was admitted Wednesday night and has slowly gotten worse on a daily basis. She has congestive heart failure (and more) that can't be fixed & is causing more harm now. 

I realize her body may be done but that scares me. It may be selfish to say I'm not done, with her, yet but it's true. She will be 80 this year. No one can tell us how long she'll go on but we've come to realize not for much longer. I have mixed emotions with this that I've been struggling with. I don't want her to be in pain. I want her to be pain-free actually. But loosing her altogether? 

I'm asking for prayers for my Nonni & for my family as we all face what's in front of us. Near death is not easy to face. 

Thank you for your prayers & support!! 

Curveballs & life

HI everyone...hope you all had a great Wednesday. Bare with me as I have a bunch to say and it's not really organized...what a shock! Also...scroll down for more posts! This is my 3rd post of the day...WoW...I know!

** I am asking you to pray for my Nonni as she is having trouble getting over illness and is really sick right now!

** I am tired, a wee bit stressed, and just ready for class to be over with. YES, I only have two more days, but after taking 19 hours this spring...I have a little spring fever. Oh and the fact that I did not sleep well last night sure does nothing for the entire situation. I have a huge paper due Friday morning that also needs to be completed too...oh yea...no stress at all...right?

** Someone asked me today if life had slowed down and I don't really think so! After my sister's graduation is over with and done...I believe it will though! I intend on putting a "out of office" message on my emails, still blogging, and taking my summer in stride. After this class, I am not taking any further classes till the fall. For my sanity...I need this summer! Ya know?!

** I think there is a smoker next door to me. It was not apparent until today. My bedroom has the brunt of the smell...not that strong, but is a tad apparent. Know of a good air-freshener that I can use? Nothing too strong, but smells great???

** I am a tad irritated with my soy food allergy. You see, when something that I can't have is made Gluten/Wheat free or nut free, it has soy in it. Hello...I am allergic to SOY, wheat, gluten, nuts, tree nuts, fish, shellfish, and modified food starches. I don't want things just to be wheat/gluten free or soy free...I want to be able to eat what is FREE of all my allergies. YES, there is allergy free food out there and I eat a bunch of it daily, but I would LOVE to eat waffles or pancakes again...yes...I miss them! Now off of this rant...just had to get it out!

Now I am off to read through articles and *hopefully* head to bed early! Have a great evening!!!!

Updates galore

Sorry it has taken some time for me to update. Life has sure thrown me some curve balls this week and I have been taken aback by a few of them. No this week has not been as bad as last week, but emotionally, it has been worse.

Starting off with my Nonni, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for all of the prayers. She is still in the hospital and ALL of her doctors have been called in because of the pneumonia and now her heart is giving them worry. She has had heart trouble for a while now and they are concentrating hard with it now as well. She is still on Oxygen and getting a little stronger each day. No date has been set to when she is coming home though. Right now, I believe the hospital is the best place for her.

Then there is a baby girl (21 months) who I babysit for. Girlie spent the night in the hospital last night and was given antibiotics and fluids. On Tuesday, she had what her parents thought was a virus, but after 72 hours of not being able to keep anything down, they took her to the doctor who sent them to the hospital for Rotavirus. They released her today, but she is on strict orders to only have Gatorade and crackers/pretzels. She is still very weak and out of it too. She is still experiencing tummy troubles too. I actually saw her in the hospital last night and she is not herself. I am hoping that she turns the corner very soon.

I also know that there are lots of other babies/kiddos who are sick and I am praying that they feel better soon. Having/seeing a child sick is NOT an easy task and I PRAY they all are healed soon.

Praying Hard for all to heal

Calling all prayer warriors

Calling all prayer warriors: my Nonni (mom's mom) is in the hospital with pneumonia. The doctors are aggressively treating her with IV antibiotics and she is also on Oxygen. She got the whole lights and sirens ambulance ride because her oxygen levels were in the very low 80s. Please pray for healing and recovery for my sweet Nonni!

**Update: Nonni is still in the hospital and on the Oxygen as well. I talked to her at 9:25pm and she sounds okay. Still not her good ole self, but slowly getting better. I know pneumonia takes time to rid too :( She thinks about two more days in the hospital though. I told her about the prayer post and she sounded relieved and thankful.